Is anyone still out there? It’s funny (not ha ha funny) when you consider yourself a writer and then realize you haven’t really done any creative writing for at least three years. Better late than never? I don’t know. I feel so self-conscious about my inability to drag myself out of a block that I couldn’t put anything down…for years! The $$ that comes out of my account annually for a blog I don’t write in has been my penance for not staying true to myself. It was a reminder of things I didn’t like:

#1 Leaving Austin was hard. Why have a site named “Austin Annie” if you aren’t actually IN Austin anymore? I don’t regret any of the chapters in my life but my year and a half in that city was wonderful albeit too short. Next time I find myself in my early twenties with no children and a large disposable income I’m headed back for sure!

#2 I STILL wasn’t in a career that I loved. I jumped head-first into a new job and it was so much fun learning something completely new. I can find something to enjoy about any job I’m in and I’ll do just about anything to move our family forward. LOVE isn’t a word I would use to describe a place I never truly fit. Not really.

#3 Returning to life of part-time work and full-time identity crisis was a wake-up call that nothing had really changed. In the four years since my life-changing move from home and life-changing move back my personal battles were sadly quite unchanged. I know I did some growing up and dealt with my grief while I was gone, but who the hell am I? I still had no idea.

My solution? Counseling. I’ll say it again for the cheap seats in the back: COUNSELING!!! I am finding out so much about myself. Did I know I was a people pleaser? Yep. Did I know that I had developed an aversion to changes in plans and any type of disorder? Kind of. Did I know I have a hard time liking myself…I mean truly LOVING myself? Nope! I hadn’t realized how much I’d lost touch with who I was and the little girl inside me who has been along for this whole ride.  She still has a fire in her belly and a playful, adventurous heart. Going forward, I’m going to take care of her. I need to get her out in the open air more and not listen to the hesitations and influences that hold the two of us back. This should be fun! Someone should write about it…