Let me start by saying that for the last 34 for years…or maybe 32 depending on when I began speaking (reminder: call Mom and ask when I started talking) I have sworn to hate fish. Love to catch them, always had them as pets, don’t even mind the smell as long as I don’t have to put it in my mouth. I grew up with a mother who loved to eat fish and an avid fly-fisherman father. With that combination and my utter hatred of asking what’s for dinner and hearing “fish” as the answer, you can imagine the heartfelt pleas for my dad to practice “catch and release” and not bring Mom any trophies that would end up on my plate. Oh, the fits I would throw! Man! I now know I was being completely what my mother-in-law calls “chiflada” – a spoiled brat. That was the beginning.

Unfortunately, I dug my heels in and maintained my fish dislike all through my teens and twenties. This will have to serve as my apology to all of those who had to witness the wrinkled nose, tantrums, and refusal to compromise. Sorry about those 34 for years of being “chiflada”. My bad.

This blog is not about fish really…or even about food. Spoiler Alert: I am a scatter-brain sometimes…ok, more than sometimes. I can’t explain it all in one post except to say that I now find myself sitting on the edge of something big. I have no idea what to do. Being a social butterfly, my first instinct is to tell EVERYONE about it and wait for the feedback to pour in.

You see, last year around July or so I went through a shift. Something in my heart and mind just needed a change. This was not the kind of desire that could be quenched with a coat of paint or new bedding. I needed a career change…but that didn’t seem like it was enough either. Nope. I needed something bigger. Something harder and more uprooting than that. I needed to get the heck out of dodge. This feeling in my gut wasn’t going to go away unless I did too. One tiny problem came with this plan. I am married with two small children.

I have the most amazing and supportive husband anyone could dream of having. Jealous? I would be too…but this isn’t about him either. I suggested we move. I wanted to get away from all of the expectations to be the same person I had been all my life. Time to be someone else. But…I really love having my family close and getting together as often as possible. I didn’t want my kids to miss out on cousins and gathering together with family. I suggested we move to Texas where my husband’s entire immediate family lived. That was an easy yes for him. Harder for both of us was figuring out how to make it possible and then breaking the hearts of everyone we love in Montana. Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATE disappointing people. Maybe it’s because I’m Catholic and inevitably feel guilty about everything I do…who knows…oh, and don’t worry. I’m just Catholic enough to have faith in God and Heaven and all that stuff but part of the guilt probably stems from not being a good enough Catholic to have a problem with saying the f-word when it’s needed. Because, honey, that’s every day in my world. ….did I get off track? Oh ya, I willingly ripped my family’s hearts out and told them I was ditching them…after all we had been through recently too. (another post, another day) I hurt people that I never wanted to hurt by leaving. I think they understood that I hurt myself too. I had hit the point where I needed to tear down in order to build again. Now to begin that process.

The adventure of shutting down life in Montana, driving across five states in four days with two kids, and staying sane is a post itself. I’ll muster the courage (and time) to delve into that roller coaster soon.

For now I leave you with this. Austin Anne is becoming who she always wanted to be. It isn’t happening overnight and it won’t come without taking some great advice. I encourage anyone to comment. Give me suggestions and advice on life in a new town with little kids. Tell me the local bands in Austin I CAN NOT miss. Have a favorite place to eat fish or a recipe I should try? I’ll take it! I have been eating fish weekly for the last month and it’s not bad. In fact, some of it is great so I guess Austin Anne eats fish. What else does/should Austin Anne do?