Have you ever wondered what your “thing” was? That “thing” that sets you apart or, rather, plunges you into a group you didn’t even know you were a part of and didn’t even know existed? If you have and, I guess, depending on what that “thing” is you probably felt relief or disappointment. I think I felt both but relief seems to be prevailing so we’re going with that.

I have always been into the more, shall we say, dark side of life. Not to any real extremes at least in my own mind. I enjoyed my half-shaved head, eraser burn scars and black nail polish, sure. Let’s put it this way: I was, for a time, a fan of Nine Inch Nails but never was able to get on board with Marilyn Manson. Does that clear it up? It didn’t for me.

When I settled down, when I married my husband and when I had my babies, I felt pieces of whoever I thought I was slipping away. You know what I’ve come to find out? the pieces had started slipping long before that. Somewhere along the way I stopped knowing who I was or what I even ENJOYED other than going out and being social. I lost my connection to me. I can remember complaining to my husband who seems to always be pretty secure with who he is and what he wants in life. I would whine about not having a hobby or anything interesting that was just mine. Nothing I could identify and something interesting about myself. This went on for years.

When I was expecting my second baby, I needed something to keep myself distracted (I’m NOT a patient person). The news was full of stories about this murder case with this woman, Jodi Arias, on trial for brutally killing her boyfriend. It caught my interested and after several click-throughs, I was on a YouTube channel where they were broadcasting the court proceedings in real time. I. WAS. HOOKED. The case was fascinating and she was bat-shit crazy so I couldn’t get away from watching. I come from a long line of ambulance chasers and this was like a slow-motion car wreck.Man, that spring and early summer flew by watching the case unfold. Little did I know it had brought something to the forefront that had been there all along. I wouldn’t realize what that was until the child I was still creating was well past potty trained.

Early motherhood didn’t lend itself to book reading very well and until my kids were a little older I had pushed reading way down on my priority list. When I finally emerged, I knew I didn’t enjoy novels as much as stories that were based on something true and my favorite were real-life murder mysteries. I wandered into a Barnes & Noble and was embarrassed but asked my friend who worked there where in the non-fiction I could find books about people who killed other people. He didn’t flinch. He immediately took me to a section I had never heard of called “True Crime”. What the ever-loving huh? There is a SECTION for people like me?! Step one was accomplished.

When we moved to Austin and discovered Half-Price Books (*swoon) I was a woman on a mission. I started devouring books. The only problem was that when life got busy it was easy to justify pushing the books lower on (or off) my priority list. Well…two moves later and although I kept buying books, I wasn’t getting through them. Still, in my head, it wasn’t something that set me apart. Everyone loves True Crime, don’t they? I mean, it’s not like people actually enjoy fiction is it? Hmmm…

Last summer, I was watching TV with my brother while he was visiting from out of town. I think there was a Forensic Files on or we were watching the Ted Bundy Tapes or something- I’m foggy on the details. My brother or his girlfriend (again, can’t remember) said they listened to podcasts about True Crime on their drives. I had one of many “I’m getting older” moments and finally admitted I didn’t know how to find podcasts. I thought they were all on one app and you had to pay for it like Netflix and I just couldn’t justify another service fee. Then he showed me that there about about a zillion FREE podcast apps out there and even gave me a few True Crime shows to start. I got right to it and gave 4 different shows a good 2-3 episode try. I was hooked HARD. I enjoy different things from different podcasts but my favorite that I have insisted on listening starting from episode one and going in order? My Favorite Murder. I fell for them hard, ya’ll. I am a Murderino. The more I realized that there are a ton of people out there like me interested in True Crime the more I wanted to connect. I looked for groups and there were a ton! Some fan groups based right here in my area. I knew what I wanted to do.

I have never ever belonged to a book club- reading loses priority so quickly or at least it did. I found a way to remedy that problem- be the one to START a book club. The responsibility of putting one together and setting up meetings and organizing one made it my new baby. New babies don’t go down the priority list. So I asked the person in charge of my local fan group if I could ask members to join my book club and she gave an easy “hell yes!” I now have my own book club with 29 members. We’ve met twice and meet again next week. We come from all walks of life and are all ages and shapes. We have one really great thing in common- we love to talk about murder and True Crime and it sets us apart in other groups but in this one it brings us together!

Just the other day my husband pointed out to me that I had finally found my “thing” and he was so proud of me for going for it and putting myself out there. I hadn’t realized it was truly my “thing” but it so is.  True Crime is my “thing” and you better bet I’m proud of it. Does it make me dark? Maybe. I needed a little edge as a middle-aged mother and wife. I mean, I do love a good conversation about Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer. But I like to think that makes me Nine Inch Nails… not quite Marilyn Manson.